And Then All Hell Broke Loose

Today I am going to start the story of the divorce (and marriage) that Jerry Springer probably wouldn't even believe. I'll start kind of in the middle, go to the end, then maybe swing back to the beginning.

Once upon a time (April 2002) I was a naive 19 year old, who 7 months prior, had crossed the country from my home of 18 years in Southern California to my new home in North Mississippi, (making a 1 night stopover at the parish jail in Opelousas, LA). And only 4 months before that I had been released from an inpatient mental health facility. Yes, dear readers, my stay in the nut house had something to do with the move, we'll get to that in another blog. The point is I was19, naive, but not really.

I was naive enough to "fall in love." 6 months later I was engaged to the guy we will now affectionately refer to as Redneck Redhead. At 22, despite my reservations and nagging doubt, I married Redneck Redhead. Apparently, it was also despite the unexpressed doubts, fears, and protests of many of my family members. Nonetheless, we were married, and then all hell broke loose. (As is usually the case when you marrry a Redneck Redhead)

14 months after the "I Do's" the first of many What the Hell Was I Thinking? episodes occurred. I was a teacher, and had to chaperone football games as part of my job duties. Redneck Redhead (RR) had already informed me that he would never come with me to one of these events because, "I don't make you come to work with me. Why the hell should I have to go to work with you??" So, this fateful night in September I left for the game and told him I'd probably be home around 10 PM. So sad for him; I got home at 9:30.

RR was nowhere to be seen, and left no note. I called his personal cell first, and it rang until I got his voicemail. I called his work cell second, and the same thing happened. I tried the personal cell again and it went straight to voicemail. He'd turned it off. Same thing with the work number. Oh no he di'in't!

I called his mom's house to see if he had gone to Mommy Redneck's house for a haircut, as he was prone to do. Nope, no RR there! I looked under the bed just to be sure, no RR there! I called his brother, Stoner Redneck, thinking RR'd gone there to hang out but he informed me that he hadn't seen or heard from RR in several days. I tried both cell phones a second time and, again, they went straight to voicemail. OH NO HE DI'IN'T! So there I sat, on my couch, checking between the cushions for RR (yeah, he was that scrawny) and wondering what happened to my husband. Did he get into a car accident and end up lying dead in a ditch? Had he been abducted by aliens? Or the more obvious choice; was he with another woman??

Finally 1/2 hour later my phone rang, and it was RR! The conversation went something like this:

Me: Hi baby! Where are you?? I got home early & you weren't here. I was worried!

RR: I'm at my brother's house. Didn't hear the phone ring.

Me: Don't lie to me. I just talked to him and he said he hadn't seen or heard from you in days. Where the hell are you???

RR: I swear, I'm at my brother's!

Me: Don't fucking lie to me you bastard!

RR: OK. I just got here. I was at Fat Redneck's house hanging out & playing the drums.

Me: Really? Why didn't you tell me in the 1st place?

RR: Because I thought you would be mad if I was out hanging out with my friends while you were at the game & I didn't go with you.

Me: Ok, fine. Give me Fat Redneck's phone number. I want to call him & make sure.

RR: Oh, uh well, let me call you back when I get inside my brother's house. I'll give it to you then.

Me: No, you've got it right there in your phone, just give it to me now.

RR: No. Let me call you back.

Me: I'm not going to let you call him & tell him the lie you just told me so he can cover for you. Give me the number.

RR: No.

Me: You were with a woman, weren't you? Please just be a man & admit it.

RR: No.

Me: I'm going to stay at my parents' house. I don't know if/when I'll be back.

RR: No, please, no.

Me: *Click*

Please, before you label me insecure, bitchy, etc. please know the suspiscion didn't just come out of nowhere, trust me. I should have left for good then. I knew he was up to no good. Deep down in my gut, I knew then that he was having an affair. But by Sunday he was at my parents' door crying and begging me to come back, and I went. My parents were unsure, but I was in love. I was married. I wanted to try to make it work. I had no idea there was nothing on Earth that would ever make Redneck Redhead a better man.

Ok, so maybe I did have an idea, but who wants to admit that????

Until next time . . .