Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Shake Things Up

Have you ever felt like you just needed to shake things up? Like you just desperately need some kind of change to occur, and fast? I have that feeling so bad right now. Everything is so stagnant, everything is always the same. I get up, I shower, I go to the soul sucking job where I do the same monotonous tasks over and over, I come home, play with the dog, eat, Boyfriend comes home, we watch some TV, then we go to bed. It starts all over again the next day. Sometimes the order of things after work changes around, but pretty much it's the same routine every day.

Sometimes I wonder if the longing for change is a control thing. I have no control over anything in my job. I go in, and do my rote tasks, and wait for other people to tell me other rote tasks that need to be completed. In a way my ex-husband still controls my finances, since he talked/prodded me into buying a car I can barely afford, therefore I'm usually pretty damn broke. I go home to a wonderful man that I love very much, but who is not my husband, and I long so much for him to be my husband. Another thing that is completely out of my control. I live in a city that I had no intentions of living in for 8 whole freakin years but alas, I am broke, and don't want to leave Boyfriend so moving will only come with a new job for him. For now, none of these circumstances will change.

Now some may say, "Hey! That still sounds like a damn good life" and it is! Don't get me wrong. I am just a person who thrives on change, and new challenges and experiences. There is nothing new. Ever. And so contemplating how to make NEW happen. I guess I'm going to cut and/or color my hair. Superficial, but change nonetheless.

P.S. Any suggestions on the hair?

1 comment:

  1. Cut it like Kate from Jon and Kate.. umm NOT!!!! lol

    I totally understand what you are going through , but for different reasons. I was getting my masters and working full time when hubby was offered his job in LA. I wanted to move, we were prepared for it, but when I got here I realized that my life was COMPLETELY different. I didnt work (couldnt find a job) and I wasnt in school. I went from hardly EVER being at home bc I was busy with work, school, friends, and family and suddendly, literally, all 4 of those things were gone. I desperately loved Chase and he made me happy... but were also still just "in a relationship." I didnt move so he would propose, I moved bc I wanted to be with him regardless, but I'll be honest... Very soon after we got there I was ready for him to propose. I felt like I was willing to basically give up everything to be there and I also wanted him to be my husband! I never held that over his head or even reminded him of it. I WAS happy to be away from TN because it was something different. I just knew he was the guy I wanted to be with and to be patient for him to finally ask was one of the most impatient times of my life... and the monotony of every day life didnt help because its all I thought about sometimes!

    Every day is a struggle for me in a way honestly because I am still working on getting those "4" things back. I have started school again, I have made a couple of friends, I volunteer.. still no job, but hey.. At least I have SOMETHING to do. For over a year in LA I only had a job for 4 months and met no one even there (I was the outsider white girl who everyone treated differently... who knows)

    I think a haircut could be a cool thing.. definitely something different. Maybe even do something daring with it. Get another tattoo.. MEET ME IN TUNICA ;) ok ok we will see about that.. But if you need to talk more about this I am here because I TOTALLY understand. <3